My dear guests, we bid you welcome to the Club BoxBoy! This page represents our extremely feeble attempt to stimulate your visual senses and empty your pockets of plethorae of coin. Every month or so, Club BoxBoy will present for your approval and amusement a different theme of fabulous BoxBoy product. Like a box of extremely inexpensive pastel cream-filled chocolates, you never know what you will get until you open wide and say "aaahhh." So enjoy ... and remember that this site is NOT intended to be a cyber-museum. We do want your hard-earned money so we can continue to purchase compact discs, DVDs and eat! And thus, we commence... |
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| If a Picture Taints a Thousand Words... |
| Then why can't I taint you? Well, my beloved BoxBoy friends, consider it done. Just like any good follower of Darwinian philosophy, BoxBoy maintains that evolution is just a natural progression of Biblical proportion. Yes, Adam and Eve walked amongst the dinosaurs because the Bible tells us so. Yes, quasi-like apeman creature fossils turn up in the Old World because those diggers know how to use a shovel. Where the Hades are we going with this? (Well, for my conservative, evangelistic followers, they'll insist I already have a date circled to meet El Diablo in person for a very long time.) For my normal, sane followers, they'll just say that BoxBoy is a bad mutha-fuh ... but I'm talkin' bout BoxBoy ... well he can dig it. Don't worry, none of this makes any sense to me, either, but I am writing in the first person for a change. Speaking of which, your Club BoxBoy features little non-box vignettes for some big time change we can live with. My Day of the Dead tiled frames got me all atwitter this winter, and some of the below ideas have been floating in my head for years. So picture this, and enjoy! |
| Club BoxBoy |
| Clap for the Wolf Man |
| Well, we hope Wolfie don't get the clap. Our favorite of all the Universal Studios monster movies. Lon Chaney Jr. prepares to rip Evelyn Ankers's throat whilst Eddie Munster takes crib notes clinging spawn of Wolf Man to his tiny lycanthropic bosom. Good God man, where's this child's mummy? Oops, that would be another flick. |
| Southfork Blues |
| Start Wars |
| Okay, think real hard (0r not so). You have the Ewing clan, you have Miss Barbara Stanwyck ... and I do mean miss. Well, if it's not "Christmas in Connecticut", if it's not "The Thorn Birds", if it's not "Double Endemnity", if it's not "The Colbys" (what in the world was she thinking on that one?), it MUST be Stella Dallas. And by the way, who shot Fred MacMurray? |
| Man, Hat 'n' Project |
| Oak Ridge is a tiny city located about 20 miles from the home of our University of Tennessee, Knoxville. Almost out of a bad, sci-fi horror flick, the city sprang up like a mistress in the dark to help produce weapons of mass destruction during WWII. The Oak Ridge Boys had one obnoxious cross-over hit 30 years ago with "Elvira." Almost as obnox as "Achy Breaky Heart." At least Billy Ray Cyrus has Miley's coattails to ride. |
| Red Petticoat Junction |
| Sarah...Sarah... Sarah |
| Our second Harrison Ford featurette with a Little Princess instead of a non-stop screaming ditzy blonde. In the BoxBoy version, our hero rips out the heart of that horrible school mistress Miss Minchin and gives it to poor little waif Becky. That's how we do "Indiana Jones and the Shirley Temple of Doom." |
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| A big, big clue here ... all of these gentlemen have played President of the United States at some juncture or another. One served for only a month, one served out another one's term (pardon me, but that shouldn't count) and the other served beefcake in Indiana Jones movies (except the last one ... he's just too old). And of course, it's our Harrison Ford. |
| Obviously the oddest and most disturbing entry here, but the one that has been in your BoxBoy's little head for years and years and years. Talk about some major cult of personality here, it's almost like Helter Skelter, and a Beach Boy to boot. Throw in a dead Kennedy and you have all the ingredients for a perfect Marilyn Manson. |
| The Beautiful People |
| Our BoxBoy's themed-box page with politically incorrect commentary |
| We recently watched a great 1939 classic and still don't know why Mammy, Prissy, Big Sam et al didn't tell Miz Scarlett et al where they could stick their cotton bolls after Lincoln released his EP. Poor our Mammy was made to serve Scarlett, Rhett and that spoiled child until her hair turned grey ... hair done "Gone With the Wind". |
| Happy Independence Day |
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